Jessica Lee: You can’t be serious. This can’t be happening.

Nine of Swords: Look, I’m sorry! I made a promise, though. I never thought this would like… actually happen.

JL: You made a promise, so I have to look like an idiot?

9oS: Hmm… you have a point.

JL: Thank you! So I d–

9oS: It’s you that has to suffer, not me. Good luck!

JL: (Watching Nine rush off the set) … fuck.

The Cat: (Looking up at Jessica expectantly)

JL: I swear that fucking cat just smirked at me!

Stage Manager: Okay, we’re on in five… four… three…

JL: (Sigh) Here goes… (As the cameras go live, putting on her standard smile) Good evening, Baltimore! We’re here in the studio tonight with a very special, fan-requested interview that has apparently been a long time coming! Everyone, please welcome… the Cat. Thanks for coming, um… cat.

TC: Mrow.

JL: (Already strained) Fantastic. Is there anything I should call you, or is just “cat” fine?

TC: (No longer interested in Jessica, she now licks at her paw)

JL: Alright, then — “cat” it is. I just didn’t want to be… racially insensitive?

TC: (Pauses her licking to look up at Jessica curiously)

JL: (Looks helplessly off-camera to Nine of Swords)

9oS: (Gives a huge grin and a thumbs-up)

JL: Okay, then. Despite you having no dialogue and very little importance to the story of Mythos, you’re consistently ranked highly among popular characters in the game. How does it feel to have become the unofficial mascot of the franchise?

TC: (Resumes licking her paw)

JL: I’m glad to see that you haven’t let the fame go to your head. (Forcing a laugh as studio remains awkwardly silent) So we first encounter your character in Gaia’s Cradle — Rain’s greenhouse. She states there that she doesn’t know your name, which seems to indicate you’re not her pet. Do you have an owner?

TC: (Stands up, flicking her tail back and forth, looking at Jessica with slightly narrowed eyes)

JL: I, um… don’t mean to use the term “owner” in an offensive way, but is there a human or family that takes care of your needs?

TC: (Swishes her tail a few more times before prancing in a circle and laying down on the seat)

JL: I see. Now I suppose one question that people may ask, Ky Nelson included; are you the same cat that delivered the invitation to Sylvia DuBois’ gala?

TC: (Ear twitches, eyes closing)

JL: (Flatly) Well. You heard the answer, folks! The cat herself has given an answer, and hopefully this clarifies things.

TC: (Possibly asleep) Mrrrrrr…

JL: In addition to you somehow being present in locations that are quite far from one another, there’s been some speculation that you are actually another character that simply shapeshifts or otherwise disguises yourself as a cat. Care to comment on that?

TC: (Lifting her head up, eyes half-open, she yawns)

JL: Good… that’s… it’s good to see you being so candid… (Sigh) Are we done? Can we say this is over?

Rin: (Rushing onto the set) Miss Kitty!

TC: Mrow?!

JL: What? Who are you? Is there no security here?!

R: Oh. I’m Rin! I guess you haven’t considered me important enough to interview yet or whatever. But this is Miss Kitty! She hangs out around T’s Diner sometimes and I feed her leftover burger when I see her!

JL: Should cats even eat burgers?

R: What else would cats eat? (To the cat) You wanna split a burger with me, Miss Kitty?

TC: Mrow! ~\(≧▽≦)/~

JL: Oh my god, fine, whatever, just go!

R: So rude! Come on, Miss Kitty. I’ll see if Rami will let me actually keep you this time! (Rin and the cat/Miss Kitty leave the set)

JL: Well. There we have it, folks. The cat has been interviewed. I hope this was every bit as pleasant for you as it was for me. From WETT Channel 6 News, where my journalism degree is being put to fantastic use, this is Jessica Lee, reminding you to keep the legends alive.

Stage Manager: … and we’re clear!

JL: Nine! We’re going to the bar. You’re buying.

9oS: (Grinning maniacally) Worth it.