Jessica Lee: Hello, Baltimore, and welcome back! I’m Jessica Lee with WETT Channel Six news, and we have here in the studio with us a guest from yet another game. From Bare Witness, this is Athena… um… I’m sorry, do you have a last name?
Athena Aetos: It’s Aetos. Means “eagle” in Greek. Apparently the dev thought my given name was too subtle. Asshole.
JL: Ah, well… speaking of your dev, I understand that there’s some fresh news that has just come out regarding your game?
AA: Yeah! The next chapter drops for our high-tier patrons on November 30th. Then our bronze people get it on December 3rd. The rest of you moochers are gonna have to wait until the 7th.
JL: Oh, that’s rather soon – let’s hope this can bring you in a few supporters that want to see it sooner. Is there anything you’re allowed to tell us about this chapter?
AA: Uhmm… It’s big. Like, around the size of the first two chapters combined. Lots of stuff happening. I get to use my bat! Well, maybe.
JL: That sounds interesting! I didn’t know you had a pet.
AA: No, no. My baseball bat. One of them, at least. I have one under my bed at home, and one under the counter at work. You’ll have to guess which one gets some screen time.
…and how the hell would I “use” a pet bat?? Sicko.
JL: Um… right, I… so you at least sound well-prepared! Is there any reason you always keep a weapon nearby, or are you just a baseball player?
AA: Do I look like a f***ing baseball player? No. I keep it nearby in case I have to beat someone’s ass. Like Heidi’s stalker last year.
JL: (Subtly shifting to sit a bit farther from Athena) Haha… um… let’s remember we’re on TV, here. So we possibly get to see you spring into action, as it were. Any other surprises you may have in store?
AA: (Looking off camera) Can I tell them–? No? What about the deal with V– Okay, fine.
(Looking back at Jessica) There’s a lot more sex. Like, all the sex. Ooh, and Sadie–
(Looking off camera again) What?!? Fuckin’– FINE.
(Smiling demurely at Jessica) You get to know the girls you’re interested in a lot better. And you find out about some stuff that I can’t talk about….
(Leaning in close, whispering) And Sadie gets fucking hot.
(Flips off whoever’s off camera)
JL: (Nervously looks off-camera as well) Well… alright, I think I should change topics before we both get deleted. I understand that, much like Reba from Come Home, you will be making a “speaking-role” appearance in Chapter Three of Mythos, yes?
AA: Wait, am I? That’s news to me. I’m not– No one’s gonna turn me into a frog or some s***, right?
JL: What? No. I don’t… I don’t think… (Glancing off-camera) … no, I have confirmation that you do not get turned into a frog. So you’re not aware that you’re in the upcoming Mythos release?
AA: No one tells me shit. What will I be doing?
JL: Yes… yes, hold on… (Being handed a hastily written note from the stage manager) … ah, so here it says that you’re part of the main character’s gaming group?
AA: Oh! Wait, who’s that? I’m in a lot of gaming groups, you’re gonna have to narrow it down for me.
JL: (Looking over the paper) Something Nelson… looks like their name on Discord is “Grayest Parser”?
AA: Oh! Oh, ahahaha! You mean “Gayest Poseur!?” I love them! I mean, I carry them every session, but they’re funny. Hey, have they ever told you about the time we sent anthrax to th—
Nelson: (From Offscreen) GOD DAMMIT, ATHENA!
AA: (Looks offscreen with her arms up in a “What??” pose)
JL: Anyway. I suppose you can’t give any hints about your role in Mythos, then?
AA: (Squinting) The hell? I just told you I didn’t know about it until you told me. What am I, psychic? Are you new at this? (Looking offscreen) Am I being pranked??
JL: (Forcing a smile) Well, alright! I, um… I suppose that’s all we have for tonight. Before we go, Athena – is there anything you’d like to say to the audience at home?
AA: Yeah, uh… (Reading from a note) You should support us by going to Patreon dot com forward slash Alterworlds. Oh, and here’s my tits! (Starts to remove her top)
JL: AH! CUT! CUT!!! (Dives in front of Athena)
AA: They’re just tits!
